last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
