He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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