Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
