i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
