Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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