Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
