i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
