If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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