You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
