im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
