i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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