I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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