a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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