Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
