yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
