So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So many bounce houses so little time
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
