I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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