Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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