ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
