this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
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there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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