No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
