bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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