You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
