Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
