Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
