I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
