Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
