Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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