Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
