i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
