Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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