I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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