i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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