Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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