Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
