i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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