If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
