I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize