alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
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I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
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I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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