I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The air was thick with penises
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
