I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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