hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
