One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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