everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
