You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
