I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
