Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
