Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize