Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
