Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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