You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i think my cat just said my name.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
