The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
