so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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