I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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