im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I need to calm my uterus...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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