First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well I just put wine in my tea
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
