she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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