It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
