Your face is a jimmy john
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
