Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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