sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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