..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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