accomplished twins. life is a go
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
