I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
