He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
