Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
