i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
