The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
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I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
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Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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