I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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