pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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