Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
