Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
