I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
