If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
