My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
